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âI know you really want to have a play date with Sarah this weekend and weâll do our best to make that happen. â This statement, while said with good intentions, actually has the opposite effect youâre hoping for. Either way, youâre not getting the result you want and youâre damaging your connection with your child. â after performing a task youâve asked them for, they assume that theyâre only âgoodâ because theyâve done what youâve asked.
â Be sure you really are doing your best if you say you will too. And by encouraging his emotional expression, youâre helping him learn to regulate his emotions, which is a crucial skill that will serve him throughout life. This teaches children that anything is a âgood jobâ when mom and dad say so (and only when mom and dad say so). â Threatening a child is almost never a good idea.
This teaches children to be more persistent when theyâre attempting a difficult task and to see failure as just another step toward success invalidating your feelings.This kind of exchange can become a slippery slope and if used frequently, youâre bound to have it come back and bite you.