Queer girl dating advice
One of the problems with looking for signs is that it sort of encourages people to be passive and wait for the other person to signal their interest, whereas actually even if they’re crushing on you probably the best thing you can do is (respectfully and considerately) make your interest clear.
Yes, this opens you up to the possibility of rejection, and it does mean you really need to have figured out what you want from this person, but by doing that you’re a) maximizing the chances for them to respond favourably and b) ensuring that even if they say no you can gracefully walk away from the situation knowing that you’ve behaved well and courageously.
But for lots of people ‘becoming unable to form sentences or coherent thought’ is in itself a sign of attraction.
From your preferred type of cookie to your eccentric taste in music, your favorite color or you unexpected liking for a particular boardgame, if she makes an effort to remember little things and then share them with you, it can be a sign of significant interest.
I suspect predominantly queer circles are a bit different here - certainly in my social environments people are generally more affectionate towards one another than in the ‘mainstream,' and there is less stigmatization of affection - but it’s because we are all politically conscious and consent culture-y and it comes with an extra layer of negotiated consent ('do we do hugs? To get back to the point, a lot of the time touching means sexual interest or at least a level of emotional comfort which means it’s okay to ask!
In this day and age it doesn’t matter if it’s texting or Whats App or Facebook or whatever – if somebody goes out of their way to maintain a conversation with you and a general low-key presence in your life, that’s a positive sign. We’re all so busy and so besieged with jobs and messages that who we choose to communicate with regularly is generally a fairly reliable (although definitely not infallible! If you’re on that list for somebody new or somebody who maintains an edge of flirtatious or engaging curiosity, that’s a significant thing.
As a bisexual, feminine presenting woman of color, I’ve been told everything from “you just haven’t come out as fully gay yet” to “you’re not queer, you’re just curious.” I’ve even had potential partners tell me “I would never date you because you would cheat on me with someone from another gender.” These comments are all based on harmful stereotypes of bisexual folks as promiscuous and closeted.
If I’m utterly absorbed in one person, it’s probably a sign of sexual interest – or at least the kind of Right Yes You Are A Person I Want In My Life Now sense of security and attraction that often blurs with sexual attraction in my sapio-sexual consciousness.